It was a warm and sunny appraisal morning (…do they still call it April???) and I was feeling quite happy and curious.
Do you hear that?
Happy because I just don’t pay any heed to these silly processes. I had done my work and was sure about the repercussions. They say curiosity kills the cat. But, I had already killed my cat and related aspirations last November and was now aiming at a decent PC (pay check…don’t confuse it with personal computer).
After all every manager understands that all work and no pay makes jack a dull boy. But my manager knows that I am no simple jack, I am jackhammer. I am a jack of almost all trades (futures, options, short, long). A jack who has many Jills and who never cares to fetch a pail of whatever. Moreover, with the new specs that I purchased in mid March I am quite opthalmistic about my appraisal. Specs really give you a professional and decent look. Especially, if you wear them while working, you can be sure of second look. But I am really worried when people ask me the power of my specs. And I say it can fetch you a decent hike. Silly people, they think I am just being funny. But, Cats hide their clause. And I think I am too good at hiding mine. And my claws are quite clear, just cleaned them last week. Also, I am sick and tired of my PC so I want a better one, with upgraded components. Also, I am tired of keeping a Million Rupee Smile. Let me express some million DOLLAR smiles as well.
Finally, after a long wait, I was face to face with my manager. I entered the room and to tell you…I had entered a refrigerator … these housekeeping guys never care about the AC bill. There sat the devil, he was fiddling with his laptop, with a tense look on his face; I fear he might have been in the last stage of Pocket Tanks or Snooker147. After a few minutes of comforting silence, that I guess neither of us wanted to break, he artistically waved his hand over his French cut beard. Looked at me with all divinity (You are finished baba) and smiled. And then he started talking endlessly about whatever happened over the last year. I was trying my best to keep a track of what he was trying to say. But my mind was constantly dragged to the instruction on my disposable coffee cup. It said “Please rush After Use”. Was it a typographical error or were they seriously suggesting something about the quality of that coffee? I was already having a strange build up in my tummy. And it was surely not due to interview anxiety. Who was giving an interview anyway? My serious thought process was disturbed by a strange sound. Managers have special glands to produce such nasty sounds. Well, I almost involuntarily uttered
“Yes Sir!, That’s Right! I agree”. I don’t know if he was actually asking something.
“So” he said, “Let us discuss about your problems now.”
My problem!!!... Of course my problem were my PM and PL (Personal Matter and Past Love). I could not tell him that. But what do I say then?
“Every thing is fine but my PeeCeee”, I said.
“Oh do you want Vista” he pushed.
“Vista???” Sounds like an Italian remix cuisine… unaware of all the latest happening in software world, I thought he is suggesting about new vistas of career this IT industry has brought about. Oh cut the crap.
“No, I think I need to get some components upgraded. You know! According to industry standards. I am satisfied with the basic but the flexible ones….”.
“Oh of course” he interfered, “don’t you worry about anything. I ll take care of that.”
“You will????? Good.. Thanks”
I was perplexed. How come he agreed so easily? Come on! Fight with me, man!!!
As it is my life is so dull. I don’t wanna lose such opportunities. But he was silent again. His focus glued to his laptop. Ah! These computer games… Anyways I realized that the meeting was over I came out with flying collars. Feeling half-hearted happy I went back to work. Ya! They call it work. Its ok! What is in the name… Shakespeare had said. I think he too was more concerned about the “game”.
Anyways, appraisal (April!!!!) went past in a flash and one day when I reached my desk. I saw a brand new PC (personal computer) with sound drivers installed, USB port enabled and a fresh permission to use IP Messenger. Wow! Did he promote me? I ran straight into his cabin. I just couldn’t wait to see the semi-decent 40% rise. I poked my face inside quite enthusiastically and asked ” Do you have the letter ready too?”
“Here” he said with his typical angel smile. I snatched it out of his hands and came to my desk. I was so excited. I opened it, and within a few nanoseconds, my dream-come-true appraisal letter was there. Staring at my face. I was dark red (yes, my complexion happens to be on the darker side) with anger… and tears were rolling down my knees. I thrust myself into his cabin and roared at him for this April Fool joke. A rolling stone gathers no boss. He was calm, smiling his typical devil smile. He said “I told you we are having a cost-cutting this time and you had ‘agreed’ right.” I was dumbstruck, lip zipped, tongue twisted, speechless, and dead! Thanks… I said and got back to my seat…obviously to do whatever they call this ‘copy-pasting time-wasting phenomenon’.
“Life kills” I concluded. Millions of nanoseconds have passed since then.
But I still wonder about that instruction on the Coffee mug. How could I be deluded by a silly idea?
Aye, that’s true. An Idea can exchange your life. But was it actually the cost-cutting or is it that He lost his last round of Pocket Tanks and now thinks that I was a reason for it. I know he is of the Superstitious kind. Or is it that he wanted me to eat that indo Italian friendship treat “Vista” his wife might have prepared.
Anybody has a clue?
